Shiny, Happy, Mommy Bloggers

I have come to a point where I want to stop reading other women's blogs.  As a blogger that must seem like an odd statement, but I am just being honest.  The problem, or the common theme, with most blogs,  are their universal up beat, happy tone.  Don't get me wrong I enjoy the blogs I read.  There is an abundant amount of talent on the web.  I admire women who are writing and crafting or writing and cooking, or writing and having a normal life.

Deep down inside I aspire to be a "happy, how to blogger".  As a Christian, I wish that I could be more inspiring or at least use what I know to be true to lift myself up, but my life is different than most other mommy bloggers.  I often wonder exactly when my life took this turn, and when I will get back to the person I once was.  I want to be the happy, inspired, mommy blogger.

When you are a parent of a child with special needs the one factor that is essential toe health of your family life is having a strong, supportive, network of friends and family.  Since moving from our former home state, we have watched the limited support we had dwindle to nothing.  My husband and I are the sole care takers of our youngest daughter, Paige.  It is a 24/7 a week job.  At this moment, it has come to the point that she can not be left alone even when I am in the bathroom.

We love our daughter more than words can say.  We would not trade a day of what we have for another situation, but that does not make our life any easier.  The past 12 months, with no support and no respite have taken its toll.  My husband and I no longer have the opportunity to go out on date nights.  The last time we went to a movie was when my parents drove 7 hours to spend time with our family.  I am often so tired I do not have the energy to do the things I love like crafting and painting.  Our lives are much like the movie Ground Hog Day, we wake up to the same routine each and every day.

I am sure I would have so many more readers if I had something more interesting to say.  I guess I am meant to represent the mommy bloggers dedicated to the life of a special needs child.  One word of advice I would like to offer readers, is to please be kind if you know a family like ours.  Be kind to the families of foster parents.  Offer to come over for coffee, to chat, or see if there is a need that can be filled.  Always offer to be a friend.

I can't tell you how different our life would be if someone were to reach out.  I live in a community filled with good Christian people and yet the concept of kindness and friendship is lost somewhere before it makes it to our front door.  In an effort to make life a little easier, I have decided to hire a mother's helper to come in so I could get some much needed work done.  What I would much rather have is a friend.  I am beginning to think that wanting a friend is just a pipe dream.  

Maybe if I ever get to be a happy mommy blogger friends will follow.  Uncomplicated lives are more conducive to friendship, right?  They must be or my phone my be ringing.  For now, I will try to work on upbeat, happy blogs.  I pray that God hears my prayers and sends me the relief we need.

Honestly, I'm Doing It My Way

This weekend I made several decisions, the first was to take back my life from the chaos that has been overwhelming me for the past 2 months.  The second decision involved honesty.  I will no longer spare my feelings for the sake of others when I am the person being hurt.  Lastly, I am not going to invest my emotions, kindnesses, and time in people who truly can not be my friend.

Please, do not take my thoughts and feelings as harsh.  Jeremiah 17:5, reminded me that lately I had taken my focus off of God and put it on man.  The NKJ version reads: "“Cursed is the man who trusts in man And makes flesh his strength, Whose heart departs from the Lord."  I had been placing my faith in doctors, people who I thought were my friends, and even family.  Fortunately, God has renewed my strength and my focus.

It is so easy to take one's focus off the Lord, especially in times of chaos.  I am embarrassed at my lack of prayer concerning my daughter's behavioral and mental health problems.  Only God truly has the power to heal my daughter. God can guide my path to the right doctors, therapists, counselors; His judgment is supreme. 

Since moving to NC I have often felt down about the lack of friends I have made.  I have tried and even considered myself to be a good friend and yet I have little to show for it.  Over and over again I have asked myself: "What am I doing wrong".  I have made homemade chicken soup and brought it to a sick friend, given nearly new text books to other homeschooling moms, and many more things.  It has never been my intent to buy someone's friendship, I truly enjoy doing for others.  Obviously, this is another problem too big for me, but not for God.

Lastly, I have decided to let go of a relationship that has been dying for a more than a year.  When my family and I moved to the south we did so, so that I could be close to my brother.  I did not grow up with my half-brother, I had finally found him after 41 years.  Finding him fulfilled a life long dream.

After meeting and communicating with him, for over a year, we moved to the same town my brother lived in.  My family sacrificed friends, family, and a wonderful church so I could live out my dream.  Life is not like what we see on TV, and dreams don't always come true.  Our relationship lasted a few short months.  I was not the sister "Randy" wanted.

Today I live in the same town as my brother but we do not speak.  My nephew is getting married and we have not been invited to the wedding.  I have made the decision to be happy with the other family I have been reunited with.  I have been accepted and loved by a kind and caring aunt and uncle, a spunky grandfather, and 2 lovely cousins and their children.

God has truly blessed me with a wonderful life.  I have a husband who is my best friend and the best father any child could ask for.  I have caring parents who are moving thousands of miles to be closer to me and my family.  There is only one thing that could make my life better and that is more prayer.  God is my Rock and my Strong Tower, He will always keep me on the right path.