This weekend I made several decisions, the first was to take back my life from the chaos that has been overwhelming me for the past 2 months. The second decision involved honesty. I will no longer spare my feelings for the sake of others when I am the person being hurt. Lastly, I am not going to invest my emotions, kindnesses, and time in people who truly can not be my friend.
Please, do not take my thoughts and feelings as harsh. Jeremiah 17:5, reminded me that lately I had taken my focus off of God and put it on man. The NKJ version reads: "“Cursed is the man who trusts in man And makes flesh his strength, Whose heart departs from the Lord." I had been placing my faith in doctors, people who I thought were my friends, and even family. Fortunately, God has renewed my strength and my focus.
It is so easy to take one's focus off the Lord, especially in times of chaos. I am embarrassed at my lack of prayer concerning my daughter's behavioral and mental health problems. Only God truly has the power to heal my daughter. God can guide my path to the right doctors, therapists, counselors; His judgment is supreme.
Since moving to NC I have often felt down about the lack of friends I have made. I have tried and even considered myself to be a good friend and yet I have little to show for it. Over and over again I have asked myself: "What am I doing wrong". I have made homemade chicken soup and brought it to a sick friend, given nearly new text books to other homeschooling moms, and many more things. It has never been my intent to buy someone's friendship, I truly enjoy doing for others. Obviously, this is another problem too big for me, but not for God.
Lastly, I have decided to let go of a relationship that has been dying for a more than a year. When my family and I moved to the south we did so, so that I could be close to my brother. I did not grow up with my half-brother, I had finally found him after 41 years. Finding him fulfilled a life long dream.
After meeting and communicating with him, for over a year, we moved to the same town my brother lived in. My family sacrificed friends, family, and a wonderful church so I could live out my dream. Life is not like what we see on TV, and dreams don't always come true. Our relationship lasted a few short months. I was not the sister "Randy" wanted.
Today I live in the same town as my brother but we do not speak. My nephew is getting married and we have not been invited to the wedding. I have made the decision to be happy with the other family I have been reunited with. I have been accepted and loved by a kind and caring aunt and uncle, a spunky grandfather, and 2 lovely cousins and their children.
God has truly blessed me with a wonderful life. I have a husband who is my best friend and the best father any child could ask for. I have caring parents who are moving thousands of miles to be closer to me and my family. There is only one thing that could make my life better and that is more prayer. God is my Rock and my Strong Tower, He will always keep me on the right path.
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